lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
we're making bets on your personal life
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
