i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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