Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
