I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
