Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
