I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
