hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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