Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
