VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
