a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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