is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
