covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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