FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
