Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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