Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
false alarm. still invincible.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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