gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
