"it" just moved
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
