trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
