I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
