Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
