I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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