I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
