His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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