i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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