i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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