bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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