trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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