Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
