'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
