i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
