Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
