oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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