Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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