i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
