Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
