ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
