I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
