thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
