I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
