watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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