My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
