home. puking in laundry basket.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
