uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
