Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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