first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
