it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
