Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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