if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
