I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
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we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
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I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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