The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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