btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
