I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
