if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
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It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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