don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
you made out with another girl for some wings
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
