Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
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I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
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Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize