I showed him my bush... on skype.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
