Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
