you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
