If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
