Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
