she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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