dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
