now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
