i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
