Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
