For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
