just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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