Having a random hookup so left but love u
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
