mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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