I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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