Midget sex pt 2 tonight
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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