k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
