Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
