Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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