I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
is wine microwaveable?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
