I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
