i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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