The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
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I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
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For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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