I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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