I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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