Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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