So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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